


Disappear,Disappear(I don't need this body)

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Deceit Sanders Angst, Deceit Sanders-centric, Eating Disorders, M/M, Me? Projecting onto my favorite characters?, More likely that you think, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Short Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, cuz i said so, vent fic that i might make multi chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: [Abandoned unless anyone has any ideas lmao]Deceit isn't doing too well and fell back into old habits, Remus spending more and more time with the light sides doesn't really help his case.But Honestly, Would it really matter if he disappeared?(Tw in the tags)(alternative description: Just me projecting onto Deceit and maybe writing a full work)
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 42
Kudos: 212





	1. Chapter 1

He caught a sight of himself in his dirty mirror, he thought himself a repulsive sight in the extreme: pale, fatigued, with disheveled, tangled hair that used to be arranged in elegant curled locks with a delicate shine, for him it almost seemed too long to remember. Cascading down his body were his clothes, they had evidently become too big for his fragile frame; angular collar bones lying amidst a sea of raven fabric. Deceits heterochromatic eyes darted from his body to the scales incarcerating his face, he had often dreamed of removing those scales - slashing at his face until warm blood pooled at the bottom of his feet, ridding him of the chains of which are in the form of his daunting snake-like features.

The scales weren't the only thing he desired to purge himself of, Vivid images of his skin tearing beneath a blade withered away at his brain, the plethora of lines slowly turning a deep red as droplets of crimson began to bubble up and emerge from under the surface, he'd curiously observe the blood in its odd beauty, watching the liquid ooze down his arm lightly quickening in pace until it reaches his palm. The opaque liquid mesmerized Deceit, it gave him a feeling of warmth, one that he had been desperately lacking.

He found himself an exile in his own skin yet he felt trapped, hopelessly trapped by everything; the shackles of his scales, his own skin, the thoughts plaguing his mind every second of every day. 

Past the thick coating of dust on the mirror a pair of dull, lifeless eyes pathetically stared back. he was a sorrowful sight to behold, wasn't he? Skin clung tightly around his face - revealing sharp cheekbones sitting uncomfortably below acutely sunken eyes, the human half of his face had eye bags that rivaled Virgils eyeshadow, appearing almost bruise-like with a mocking grey hue. Deceit Didn't want to admit it was him in the mirror, he had driven himself to this state.

It made his gut sink remembering he was supposed to be 'self preservation'.

Self preservation isn't about skipping meals for countless days, isn't about scarring your skin because you feel like you deserve it(he would argue he deserves it more than anyone) and it sure as hell isn't about clawing at left side of your face, hoping one day you'll be free of the chains that label you as a unsympathetic villain.

_Huh. If you look at it that way he seems pathetic._  
He doesn't have the energy to deceive himself into believing he isn't, Remus would probably argue with him about it, but he was busy with god knows what and Deceit wouldn't want to bother him

He wished he could laugh at his situation though his throat was felt empty, the irony is unbareable yet he prided himself -at least slightly- that he manage to keep Thomas alive this long, maybe he was useful for something after all. Running a dull scaled hand through his damaged locks consequently ripping the thinning hairs out, his mind began to needlessly wonder, when was the last time he came out his room? Looking at the disheveled state his living space is currently in, Deceit would've guessed maybe a month or so, The days seemed to aimlessly bleed together and crawl by.

In the cramped, narrow room, crowded with an run-down wardrobe, an ocean of scattered papers and a litter of clothes across the dual coloured furniture, it was on the verge of darkness. The light bulb at the centre of the ceiling was almost burnt out, feebly flickering from time to time, in a few more minutes it would die and the darkness would be complete. An overwhelming scent of dust overtook his senses that he's surprised he didn't catch before.

It was hard to find comfort in such a disorderly mess, the room had a melancholic undertone to it, at times it even felt unbearable but it was better than the humiliation of the sides commons. His head overflowed with the quips and jests the light-sides would say if they saw the state he was in, he would serve them as entertainment in his suffering. _The powerful Deceit Sanders! Watch him decay into the carpet, what a sight!_

A painful yawn shoved him out of his thoughts as tears pricking in his bicoloured eyes. Deceit inwardly decided it would be wise to go back to sleep, although the somber realisation that that's all he's good for settled in, He wouldn't bother anyone or cause problems for Thomas. _Maybe they'd all be better off if he was gone-_

If Remus was here he probably would've given Deceit a suprisingly-very-affectionate tackle and attempted to distract him with his gruesome stories. That might be the only time Deceit would get to really be himself and smile. It felt like forever since then, he wondered if he will ever get to experience true laughter again.

He really hated thinking about the possibility of Remus leaving for the light sides but maybe it would be better for him, Remus is his own person and can do what he wants. Even when its heinous and possibly a war crime.

Deceit stood up sharply, stumbling slightly as stars clouded his bleary vision, refusing to admit his legs almost gave out at the simple action. Once his vision managed to clear, he proceeded to flop on the bed, hissing at the impact of his more-recent scars coming into contact with the remarkably shitty mattress. As his mind grew blank and fatigue overtook him,he felt the warm blanket of sleep embrace him, not even bothering to undo him usual outfit (minus the bowler hat).

_Would it really matter if i disappeared?_

ah, what a nice phrase to fall asleep to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow im actually updating.  
> Posted this like 5 mins ago but ao3 messed up the format

He came to the sudden realisation he was walking. The room in which Deceit was walking would at first glace seem abandoned, footsteps echoed from the dirty tiled floor onto the chipped grey walls, paint flaked off equal to that of dead skin and dust-covered cobwebs festered around the pictures on the walls (he would refuse to look at the pictures, they always reminded him of how things once were), instead of reflecting objects in the neglected corridor, the mirrors served more as blurry artwork laced with grime. 

Since Virgil left, Deceit never bothered to keep up the appearance of the dark sides hallway, its not like anyone even comes to visit.

Passing a few empty mahogany shelves - it became clear to him they had stayed empty for a long time, Deceit doubted he'd find any joy in filling the void of the shelves with knick knacks or other worthless junk he could conjure up so they might aswell stay barren. Through the dull corridor he finally caught sight of where his legs were dragging him.

_Oh._  
Remus' Room.

When he caught a glimpse of a figure draped in raven black and green fabric his pace quickened rapidly as tears pricked the corners of his dual-coloured eyes, he had forgotten how much he missed the chaotic individual and his usual mannerisms. It had been ages since they'd had contact of any kind, so much so Deceit though he had left for the Light Sides-

He hovered at the wooden doorway for a second, the room presented in front of him was shrouded in a comfortable darkness with a soft orange light illuminating the figure in the middle of the familiar room, who seemed to be preoccupied with something on the stained black carpeted floor. Deceit just peacefully watched him there with a small smile tugging at his lips, the feeling of a smile felt foreign, he took in the smell of the room that he would find himself describing as home - and blood, the familiarity of that scent haunted him as a daunting ghost would yet in this instance it felt natural. It made him feel home.

"Remus." Deceit called out, voice hoarse from barely being used.

The man arrayed in black and green colours only continued jabbing harshly at something with his morning star, the orange hue reflecting from the metal of the weapon and onto the man wielding it. He couldn't determine the object or unfortunate creature being tormented but he figured it was important as Remus didn't seem to hear him.

"Remus!" 

No answer.

"What are you doing?"

Silence.

Deceits remaining smile began to falter, a look of anguish crept onto his pale face and settled on his brows, the previous happiness of the moment was a sheer memory or perhaps a day dream.

"Remus, Hey-"

Stepping forward carelessly, his foot caught something discarded on the floor causing him to come harshly crashing down onto the carpet, wincing slightly when the carpet didn't aid his fall. And it was at this moment when misery spread all over his face; This pang of misery passed from his face into his frail frame and even into the folds of his capulet. Before him lay a dead snake, dull yellow scales enlaced it entire body with specs of crimson littering its form, the poor creature had two heads, both of them battered and still being nevertheless poked with the sharp spikes of Remus' morning star. In its eyes it saw nothing, no light, not even that of the orange light above it, just a pool of abyssal tar. 

A double-headed snake was his symbol, he shook thoughts of him ending up that way from his head, lying in a pool of his own blood, skin battered and torn beyond recognition. He was almost afraid to speak again.

"Remus, Wha- What are you-"

"Why do you even bother?" The other man finally sneered, his tone harsh and insulting.

Remus stared down at Deceit burning into him with dilated forest green eyes, he looked at him as if he was sickening or as vile dirt on the floor. Deceit could virtually feel his heart sink and shatter into pieces, his throat  
felt like sandpaper, he couldn't find the words to respond to the simple question asked.

"Don't you know noone wants the company of a lying snake? That revolting face of yours ruined my day, just disappear already."

Any tears held back by Deceit instantly spilled over the edge, mismatching watery eyes looking up at the now blurred figure approaching him, Deceit had a similar opinion on himself but he never heard anyone voice it to  
him before. Hearing it cut deep, deeper than any blade or knife he held against the detestable flesh he was imprisoned in, the single word 'revolting' uttered in his head on loop, he would probably end up carving the word  
into his skin, using it as a reminder that no matter who he disguises himself as, all he'll ever be is a revolting snake.

"Awwh Boohoo. Is the poor lil' snake crying? How completely, utterly sad" Remus held up his hands in a mocking jesture, laughing.

Raising his blood coated morning star above Deceits still lying form, all Deceit could do is gawk as the only man that gave him any sort of happiness hurled countless insults at him, It's as if vines were crushing his throat, he wanted to speak, respond, breathe, he couldn't find it in him to do anything but stare.

"You're just a useless snake, everyone would be happier if you ended up like the snake on the floor," Was the last thing he heard before the morning star came came crashing down before his vision and-

Deceit jolted awake, barely being able to hold back a shrill scream, Eyes wildly darting around his room. _His room._

_It's okay, its just a dream, just a dream. Nothing more_

The hysteric rambling didn't stop the tears falling, Deceit curled himself into a ball, shaking and sobbing until he'd eventually calm down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The much needed distraction is why he ended up back in that same rusted corridor, the clicking of his heeled boots echoed off the grey walls encompassing him accompanied with distant chatter. While staggering through the corridor to the sides "shared" kitchen (Deceit would probably be chased out of he was spotted in there. It didn't surprise him.) his eyes darted wildly as if expecting to be attacked or confronted, pointless fears and anxieties were piling up in his head until his brain overflowed with nothing but worries- oh god, when was the last time he even ate?

Deceit doubted the metaphorical hands around his throat would let him eat; they would just tighten their heavy grasp and whisper until his ears were raw and bleeding, even if he managed to eat something, anything, it would be a miracle if his body wouldn't reject it straight away. Despite this, he didn't cease walking and ultimately came to the conclusion he'd make himself some calming coffee or tea, either would be fine honestly.

Maybe the reason he didn't mind was because of the warmth of either, it could easily replace the physical contact he was desperately lacking.

As he progressed through the hallway dull grey began to shift and warp into freshly painted cream walls lined with filled cabinets and shelves casting small shadows onto the striped rug sprawled out across the sturdy wooden tiles of the floor, Deceit hummed and stopped walking to place his foot on top of the soft rug and move it slightly so it lay slanted instead of perfectly centered, _what a villain he was indeed._ This managed to humour him enough so some of the panic in his mind resided slightly, however this was soon forgotten due to the constant chatter getting louder and closer.

He tensed visually when he could make out the obnoxious voice of Remus, the hysteric stuttering voice of Logan and the other sides laughter, a small part of Deceit screamed that they were laughing at him, poking fun at everything hes ever done while another part of him told him he was to insignificant for the other sides to even care or remember him. One of them was right or perhaps neither. He doubted he would ever gain the courage to ask.

**Why do you even bother?**

Sneaking past the door of the living room, he was once again reminded of his most recent nightmare, vivid images of Remus and the dead snake flashed before him almost obstructing his vision. Deceit was careful not to make any noise to disturb or alarm the group of sides, who were currently engaged with a very enthusiastic debate of "Is lava wet?". A dark depression hit him like a truck when his brain finally comprehended that Remus was spending more time with the light sides- possibly even being accepted by them like Virgil was. Would that make him a light side?

_Huh. Isn't it lovely being the outcast?_

**Useless snake**

Finally reaching the kitchen, he released a shaky breath he hadn't realised he was holding, just being inside a kitchen made his stomach drop and the feeling of bile present in his throat. Deceit made haste in boiling the kettle hoping to any mighty deity that the light sides were more occupied with their silly debate then any other noise. A yellow gloved hand snatched whatever tea he could grab from the shelf, he cursed the fact he had to stand on his tip-toes to even reach anything.

_Weren't they all in the exact same body as Thomas? Why do i have to be so short._

When he was done making his tea he just stood there calmly for a bit, feeling the pleasant heat tingle at the skin under his gloves and radiate throughout his body. Ah, he hadn't felt this tranquil in a while, the aroma of ginger from the tea found itself in the air. It was... Nice. Truly.

Being too distracted by his thoughts he failed to notice the distinct sound of footsteps approaching the kitchen where he stood.

"Dee?" A voice painted with concern calling out into the silence.

Deceit didn't need to turn around to know it was Remus. Suddenly the images of the dream wouldn't stop, they became persistent in that moment. Damn, his head hurt like hell.

**Just disappear already**

And so he did, dropping his cup, the shards shattering on the tiles with an ear-piercing noise, translucent liquid dirtying the polished tiles.

Deceit sunk out into the safety of his room, it was a stupid idea to leave. He'd punish himself for it later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma be real with yall i hate this chapter, i re-wrote this 3 times and i'm still not happy with it.
> 
> But at least its something?
> 
> So yall think lava is wet or nah


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya, It's Laika! I aint dead lol
> 
> Im rlly sorry for the delay, i was/still am balls deep in exams and course work smh and i've been struggling to find motivation for anything lol.
> 
> well uhh, enjoy <33 love yall

The light that used to flicked had long died, leaving Deceit with painful waves beating relentlessly on his heart and the dark shapes of the interior of his room to comfort his erratic breathing. Weak knees collapse under the weight of the trembling man leaving him kneeling on the carpet, face distorted in a flurry of emotion; his breath hastened as gloved hands found their way to his head clawing and tugging at the damaged locks consequently ripping the thinning hairs out, his bicoloured darted wildly - barely able to console himself in his current state.

Simply seeing- no, hearing Remus shouldn't send him into a full-blown panic, it was all just some stupid dream, yet a terrible emotion wrung his heart only to never release it and choke his breath, leaving the strength of Deceits body oozing out from his fingertips. The darkness of the world spun around him, he felt he was blinking even more and more and that any moment tears would begin to spill from his eyes. Deceit barely had the energy to try lean against the cold bed frame behind him, the temprature took him aback causing him to flinch roughly.

A weighty desperation clung to his voice every time he whispered that it was just a dream or that Remus wouldn't hate him for abruptly leaving, soon enough the white lies he shrouded himself in piled up, he wished nothing more than to be delusional enough to believe them, why would he(or anyone for that matter) believe the words of a moronic liar?

With nothing but the sound of his heart pounding in his ears accompanying him and his own unsteady voice, he calmed down eventually, ceasing his hands movements or succumbing to lack of oxygen.

Deceit attempted to get to his feet with shaky legs, ignoring the throbbing pain in his head threatening to send him violently crashing down again, he staggered to the bathroom connected to his disheavled room, bi-coloured eyes downcast in an array of an emotion he'd probably best describe as apprehension. He fumbled with the doorknob, barely able to stand before getting the door open with a powerful creak piercing the previous silence that resided in the air. Unlike the bedroom, the bathroom lights actually worked and lit up the view of the room, Deceit let out a small hiss at the sudden bright light assaulting his vision.

He sighed deeply, passing a fluff pearly white rug he's surprised he kept in good condition for so long - he transferred his gaze from the rug to the mirror; there, he was reminded of himself again by the misty image of himself in the mirror, his own gloomy and loathsome face staring back at him resentfully, those hideous scales shining in the lighting. Just looking at them nauseated him. He turned away with great displeasure from that melancholy scene and the face he's sad he has to bare.

Reaching a hand behind where the treacherous mirror on the wall(he would've just punched the mirror until his hands had glass shards sticking out of them, though he hated the thought of having to clean the shards up) , waves of shame washed over his body when he located the piece of small steel and took it into his yellow gloved hand, inspecting the specs of dried blood still coating the sharp blade, its shine lost distantly in the past. To Deceit it was all so pitiful, so terribly pitiful that the only thing his brain craved was to watch him slowly and agonizingly self-destruct more, as it turned out, the physical pain was easier to handle than the mental.

He rolled up his sleeve rather easily, revealing a much too thin arm covered in jagged scars into his almost transparent-like flesh, it dawned on him that he didn't cringe at the sight anymore, completely immune to the horror on his arm.

Releasing a deep sigh, Deceit brought the blade up and struck his arm, feeling the burning split of his skin beneath the small blade, watching the glow of red with a keen eye rising from the new lines one his skin. A sensation of helplessness, as if it were impossible to look away while the stinging pain in his arm throbbed, tiny droplets of blood formed a stream eventually dripping onto the white rug, Tainting the previously impeccable rug. All the rugs previous beauty seemed to vanish as the blood pool sinked deep into its roots, damn, that's definitely going to stain-

"Dee? Deceit? You in there?" A sudden Knocking thrashed him out of his thoughts with the might of a thunder storm. Deceits whole body flinched, face dropping and losing its colour almost in an instant. There was notable concern in the persons voice.

Deceit tugged his sleeve down rapidly, a gasp escaping his mouth before he mentally hushed himself, the unease in the air grew rapidly. He considered staying silent but that might just result in more questions asked later, though he might aswell get the humiliation over with later rather than right now, the cuts on his arm afterall still leaked crimson. The air had a distinct heaviness to it, every shallow breath he made piled up on top of him, almost like the fear has stained the air indefinately.

"Deceit, I'm coming in!" The voice- Remus announced louder followed by a lengthy creek, "God, how fucked up would it be if i walked in on a dead body-"

Cutting off his slowly beginning intrusive rambling, Deceit interrupted in a wild panic "Wait! Don't come in!" lowering his voice, he added a final "Please..."

If Remus opened that door, Deceits true colours would be revealed down to every intricate detail, he'd just make fun of him and then leave him forever or worse. Deceits vision grew hazy, compared to that of looking through murky glass, Would he tell the others? If so, his existence would become that of jokes and jests- hell, the other sides already never take him seriously, he never asked to have the label of villain plastered onto him as soon as he showed his disgusting snake-face to Thomas, though Deceit knows he will just continue playing into the role of the Villain to make sure the same thing wont happen to Virgil (Virgil might hate him but Deceit would give anything to protect him in a heartbeat, what went wrong?).

Once Virgil left the dark-sides for the others and saw Deceit appear again, he had insulted him, it should've felt like daggers being carelessly thrown at his heart, Deceit told himself it didn't bother him, but denial is a sweet thing, is it not? It isn't unlike him to deceive, even if it was lying to himself.

He closed his hopelessly scrunched his eyes as if bracing himself for something, wishing it would all just go away. His thoughts, feelings- everything, Choosing ignorance in facing his situation.

An unexpected warmth was placed on his shoulder, a hand? Deceit opened one eye slightly, revealing a bleary image of Remus in front of him. Panic crept in the back of his mind like some stalking beast, he was sent back to his dream, Remus towering above him with his morning star raised dangerously above him, the orange hue still glistening off the sharp spikes about to impact with his head. Deceit whole body froze: paralysed for the inevitable, he could only stare ahead blankly, eyes blown wide.

However the harsh blow from the morning star he was anticipating never came, rather he was met with a thumb wiping one of the stray tears upon his face, _when did he start crying anyway?_ Regardless, Deceit stumbled backwards, back coming into contact with the wall, trapped. The blood still dripped down his pale arm as his hands shot up defensively, the blood soaking through the fabric clearly Deceits ears picked up a quiet, shocked gasp from Remus. Hesitantly stepping forward near the now shaking snake-like side, Remus kneeled down slowly, as one would when approaching an injured animal or such.

"Deceit- Dee, I'm not going to hurt you, calm down." He spoke unnaturally softly, his usual higher tone of voice abandoned.

A small whimper left Deceits mouth, his frail body curling in on himself, Remus could probably pinpoint the exact moment his heart shattered like cheap glass, it truly pained him to see Deceit like this, he once knew him to be different, the smiling, happy Deceit he was presented with in his memory seemed fake or as if they weren't even the same person, it was all so long ago. Even if it was long ago, he'd do anything to see the man happy again, Remus knew that would take time and patience, better to start somewhere.

Deceit flinched, the sound of his head colliding with the wall was enough for Remus to draw back a futile hand from Deceit. With his head now tucked in his knees, Deceit mumbled a faint plea of "Get out,".

"Look, Its going to be okay, but you have to let me help you. Trust me, you don't want your arm getting infected." Remus assured, "You don't want to end up with me performing some kind of 14th century amputation on your arm, unless that's what you'd prefer.".

_This wasn't helping._ Remus added a whispered "-Sorry" casting his worried green eyes to the side. Deceit knew the intrusive side always got carried away when he made himself vocal, after all he had known the man for years, if they were under different circumstances Deceit would've probably laughed or went along with the absurd comment.

It took a while of prying but finally, Deceit held out a shaking arm to Remus in defeat, still refusing to meet his eyes. A tiny smile found its way to Remus' features, the snake-like sides walls were steadily coming down, however Deceit couldn't help but feel like a burden even while his arm was being carefully bandaged by surprisingly delicate hands, apologising whenever the other made a simple noise of pain. Deceit didn't deserve this, he deserved to decay in his solitude like the parasite he is, he would cruelly leech off the people around him without casting second thought. No matter how much he clawed at his skin, nothing would change after all, _you can't stop dna_. He truly had no place in the world.

"Dee, y'know you can speak to me if you ever feel like this, right?" He continued "I don't think you're a burden or worthless or...fuck, I'm bad with words. Sorry"

Securing the gauze on Deceits hand, the taller man rubbed the back of his neck in light frustration at himself and sighed. Thin lines of blood blemished the soft bandage, the bleeding was finally coming to an end.

" 's fine" Deceit rasped out, barely audible, leaving him wondering if Remus even heard him.

When Remus' eyes met Deceits, he deeply examined the glassy mismatched pair, a whirlpool of bottomless horror concealed wearisome pupils that stared blankly into his. Deceit tilted his head to the side, the damaged brown locks framing his face clouding part of his face, he blinked in vague confusion.

"You can go now, i'm sorry for wasting your time." Whispered Deceit, trying to keep his tone even, "I'll be fine now."

Leaping to his feet immediately, Remus grabbed his hands and held them close to him. Crystal clear betrayal in his mild forest green eyes, normally such a beautiful, wonderful thing ended in deep-rooted dread welling up in his chest. He'd ruined everything again like he always did, call it melodramatic if you will but the world wasn't a place of childlike simplicity and forgiveness for Deceit, a lack of it was shown by his peers.

"If you think i'm actually going to leave you right now, you must be insane" He exclaimed a little too loudly. Deceit flinched at the sound but still took the words to heart, it reminded him of when they were younger and Remus would scold him for getting into a fight with another side or vice versa. Those days, as he remembered them now, were the last in which the dying embers of their happiness still glowed. Looking back on those days always made seeds of pain flourish in his chest, he would never experience such simplicity again, such joy. It pained him to know time had caught up with him.

Before he knew it, there was more warmth on this side, lifting his light body up in the air delicately - a small yelp leaving his mouth unexpectedly making the latter chuckle. Deceit lacked the energy to thrash around, instead accepting being picked up with a mostly blank stare, leaning into the hold and fluttering his heterochromatic eyes shut, taking in the relaxing scent of what seemed to be cheap cologne that managed to smell like the inside of a primark. Soon enough he found himself drifting off into the realm of sleep, worries escaping him and shifting into a state of ease.

Remus carefully plopped on the run-down couch in the centre of the room with Deceit leaning against his shoulder, his eyes were instantly drawn to the others face, Remus was certain he would never forget the tranquillity of his features; his soft skin was without tension, any pain previously shown had vanished as he lay slumped. Nevertheless he was unable to persuade himself fully of the reality he had witnessed, Deceit doing this to himself. With every impossible solution he tried to formulate, the many colours of impotence embroidered themselves into his mind, taunting him. He wished he would do more, he really did.

For now he just sat there noiselessly, sinking into the raggedy black couch with the sleeping man pressed against him.

As he felt his mind sink off into sleep, he tried to ignore the feeling of being summoned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand I hate this chapter with a passion, i honestly hate this whole damn fic.
> 
> I've been re-reading this and writing whenever i get motivation but its never good enough.
> 
> Future updates will indefinitely be delayed, if anyone enjoys this i'm really sorry. I also got an exam tomorrow lol, wish me luck.
> 
> But i love you guys and hope yall stay safe <333

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know whether to continue this or not, would yall mind sharing your thoughts?
> 
> Love yall <3, hope all of you stay safe and happy.


End file.
